By Bob Deziel
Things are wrapping up this semester at UPEI. There is only one more week of classes after the four day break, and then it’s onto exams, term papers, and the traditional chili lunch at the Chaplaincy centre.
Today is also the final day of official publications for the Cadre this year. Since I had promised another instalment of the series to the editors before the end of the semester, I whipped up a fresh batch of hate earlier this week.
To write these articles I usually go to the UPEI parking lots over lunch, or snap pictures of cars when I’m in Charlottetown doing other business. Often, though, people send me pictures to email@example.com. To those of you who have sent it pictures, I offer my sincere thanks. You have made these rants easier for me to write.
But, with offering an e-mail to the public you risk receiving unkind e-mail. So, I’m introducing a new segment to my article this week: hatemail and responses to hatemail.
Anyhow, on to the pictures:
Once again we find ourselves in the CARI parking lot. I have highlighted in yellow where the parking line actually is, meaning that all three of these cars are outside the line (the two silver cars and the Nissan Sentra), are all blocking the flow of traffic.
“I don’t support plan B (look at the window sticker)! And to protest, I am going to park in the middle of this crosswalk until this issue is resolved!”
Whoa buddy! Wouldn’t want to have a knick on your mid-priced compact car! You go ahead, take up two spots in a relatively busy parking lot. You’re worth it, unlike the rest of us scum.
This picture was a twofer. I’d like to imagine this situation having happened such that the Jetta came in and took up the two spots, and then the GMC came in and was super pissed that the Jetta stole two spots. So, in retaliation the GMC parked in a no-parking spot directly beside the Jetta.
This was sent in by my buddy Mitch. This was in the CARI parking lot after a snowfall and before all the lines were made clear by the plows. The cars in the middle lane are completely blocked in by the cars in front and behind them.
Another one of those situations where there was a faint snowfall the night before and the lines were not made all that clear. However, everyone seems to have received the memo about figuring out what to do in this situation, except for one…
I wanted to get multiple angles of this car just to show how badly parked it was. There was also a folded note under the car wiper blade (seen in picture 1), but since it wasn’t mine I declined to remove it and read it. I’d like to imagine it was an apology letter.
Do people just not see these enormous words highlighting “No Parking”? STOP DOING THIS; THIS IS THE CARI PARKING LOT. I HAVE NEVER SEEN IT FULL ON A WEEKDAY. YOU ARE JUST LAZY.
This one is my favourite. Again, it’s almost like you can see their thought process: “Well, I don’t want to park over the gigantic ‘no parking’ text… I know! I’ll park on the grass next to a fire hydrant BESIDE the ‘no parking’ text! Genius!
And finally, hatemail!
One reader, named sickaspam at gmail.com writes:
- Subject: speaking of assholes…
- Message: …I don’t see any pictures of the farmers market where all those other assholes parked ???? Keep up the good work, moron.
First off, you use four question marks even though you’re not asking me a question, and you’re using an alias. Are you by chance a frequent poster in the Guardian comments section?
Secondly, I highly suspect that you were featured in one of the articles and you’re indignant about it. I have received legitimate complaints about the cars that I choose for display. You, however, seem like a bit of a whiner, upset that their car was chosen when all of those other cars at the market were even bigger assholes.
Tough tamales, learn how to park.
No one sends me pictures of cars at the market, I don’t park there (except on Saturdays), and so I rarely get pictures from that area. Also, there are no parking lines (and barricades) at the market, it is a giant free-for-all. So, unless it’s plainly obvious it makes for a shitty picture.
But hey, who am I to question the sense of humour of sickaspam?
Anyhow, to my other readers I’m glad you have enjoyed the articles. I’ll see you all next year.