You Park Like an Asshole – The End of Semester Edition

By Bob Deziel

Typically, in order to write one of these articles, I go out to the parking lots of UPEI over the course of 2-3 lunch breaks and snap a few photos. I also get some submissions from interested readers, and after I collect all of these pictures I have enough for a nice article.

This year was different. I have been out to the parking lots a number of times (5-6), but rarely did I find people parking badly. Even in September when the lots were at their fullest there were rarely prime examples of cars taking up 2 (or more!) parking spaces, people parking around or directly over no parking signs, or cars parked in the middle of parking lots. Potentially this is because I’m going around at the wrong times, or people are simply parking like assholes less often. Seeing as how I received very few submissions from students, I suspect that people might actually be parking more reasonably than in previous years. I’m sure this will all change with the newly fallen snow, though. 

Anyhow, here is what I’ve found so far this semester. Best of luck with your final papers and exams, UPEI!



This is one I took earlier on in the semester, and is often an abused space in the KCI parking lot occupied by people who don’t understand that you park between lines, not around them.


Again, this is a person who does not understand the concept that a parking space does not have lines through it, but rather around it.



Not a parking spot? Check
Parked halfway on the grass? Check
Parking ticket? Check.


If any of you ever see a car parked across more than four separate parking spaces, let me know. This person has to be at least tied for the world record for “most obstructive parker”.



Ah, the Oak Tree liquor store. People can’t seem to wait to get their booze, so they may as well park on the walkway. Sent in by Travis.


It’s literally the middle of the day… how do you miss something like this? Also sent in by Travis.


Posted here not because they parked badly, but because they parked in this space for so long that they managed to rack up two parking tickets. For reference, I took this picture at 11 AM.


Did you ever know a kid when you were younger who tried to put the rectangular-shaped peg into the triangular hole? Admittedly I was one of those kids, but at least I grew out of that phase. They have not.


So, I went around the lots yesterday to find some people parking badly after the snow storm, and much to my surprise there weren’t many! However, these two here decided that parking in loading zones is completely acceptable.


I think this one is my favourite because of the pure laziness. Note that behind the truck there are about a dozen empty spaces… but no, that’s not good enough. They have to be as close as possible to the door. They weren’t just here to pick someone up, either. I went around the entirety of the UPEI campus, grabbed a coffee, came back, and were still here.

Happy holidays, UPEI! See you next semester.

Michael Crummey Strikes Again with Latest Novel “Sweetland”

image courtesy cbc

image courtesy cbc

By Olivia Robinson

On a snowy evening only fit for those who are well accustomed to island winters, Newfoundland author Michael Crummey captivated the audience at the Confederation Centre Art Gallery with a reading as part of the UPEI Winter’s Tales Author series. Michael Crummey’s latest novel, Sweetland, is a story about a man named Moses Sweetland who resists the government’s attempts to resettle the residents of Sweetland, a small island off the south coast of Newfoundland. Although the island and its residents are fictional, the story of resettlement is a reality for many residents of small Newfoundland islands.

“The whole issue of modern resettlement is something that is going to become a bigger and bigger story in Newfoundland. These communities, without the Cod fishery, there is nothing to sustain them. And I think we’re going to lose some of these places. Some of them are 200-250 years old and in the next 10-20 years most of them will be gone. Up until about a year ago, the catch with these buy-out packages was that everyone had to sign on. So I started thinking that a novel about the one person who doesn’t sign on might be interesting.”

With a perfect mixture of humor and seriousness, Michael Crummey read a couple of excerpts from Sweetland and a few of the poems from his collection Under the Keel. Prior to the reading, I had the chance to talk with Michael Crummey about his thoughts regarding writing about Newfoundland and his advice for young writers. In terms of Newfoundland, he had this to say.

“I approach it a little differently than my contemporaries who set their books in Newfoundland. For me, Newfoundland has always been the subject. I’ve always been interested in trying to figure out what this place is. That’s the main subject of a lot of the writing that I’ve done. It does feel to me like it’s fairly unique in the world, because it’s an island and because it has been so isolated for so long, it has developed a particular culture. It’s like a little petri dish. I’ve always been fascinated by that particular culture. And also because it’s the place that made me. It’s a personal investigation in a way, but also something larger than just a personal investigation.”

Crummey also had some useful advice for young writers.

“Don’t do it! Become a plumber! Well, a couple of things. Read as much as possible. That’s the only way to get a sense of how a piece of writing works. Read as widely as you possibly can. And the second thing I would say is to gird up your loins, because it’s a long haul. Everybody I know who has given their life to writing has a long apprenticeship to it and a long period of time where it feels like nothing is happening. Perseverance is an essential ingredient. If you feel like it was the thing you were meant to do, then just keep plugging. I wish people luck!”

At the end of the reading, the floor was opened to questions. One audience member inquired about the process of writing a novel, to which Crummey had this to say.

“The short answer is, I have no friggin’ idea! The novel is such a different animal than any of the other kinds of writing that I’ve done and I still feel like I’m faking it. I still don’t really understand how to make a novel work. Every writer I know approaches it differently. My approach now is that when I’m starting a novel, I have some sense of the beginning of the book and I also have some sense of the ending. And I usually have a list of some points I want to hit along the way. But other than that, I’m just making it up day by day as I go. Having that ending is really important. There’s an Ontario writer who describes writing a novel as “pushing a peanut across a ballroom floor with your nose”. And that’s what it’s like! You have to be able to look up and see where you’re headed.”

Luckily for Crummey, his perseverance has paid off. With four novels, six collections of poetry, and one collection of short stories under his belt, his words have reached people around the world. However, there is no risk of the success going to his head. His parents made sure his feet were planted firmly on the ground.

“I did an author tour for River Thieves and my parents were visiting my brother in Ontario when I was going through Ontario so they followed me around, I called them my groupies. In Ottawa, they put me up in the Chateau Laurier and my mom had always wanted to see inside the Chateau Laurier. So I had them come spend the night in my room. We went to the fancy bar, had a few drinks and something to eat, and when we were ready to leave, my dad reached for his wallet. But I said, “No, no, we’ll put it on my room. The publisher will pay for it.” And as I was signing the bill I could see him shaking his head. So I said, “Dad, what’s wrong?” and he said, “My son, you’re going to end up in jail. There’s no way you’re going to sell enough books to cover all the money they’re spending on you.” And at the time, I thought the exact same thing.”

Study Song of the Day: Solange “Losing You”

Yes, Solange is the woman who recently blew up the Internet with her stunning wedding photos. If you weren’t already aware, she is also an amazing singer (and yes she’s also Beyonce’s younger sister). “Losing You” is the perfect song for that much needed study break. So get up, shake off the stress and enjoy the genius that is Solange. Seriously, how can you not move to this song?

Campus Kids Rock the UPEI Food Bank


By Chris Gibson

Most of us pass by the Campus Kids daycare here on the UPEI campus without much thought, relegating the sound of children playing to the background like we do birdsong. But those little dudes and dudettes have been busy while we weren’t watching, gathering food from parents and parent’s friends to donate to the UPEI food bank.

“We did it to celebrate Children’s Day,” says Sheila Greene, a teacher at Campus Kids Daycare. “We turned it into Children’s Week and had the kids gather all this food.”

As you can see from the pictures, the tykes did really well, raking in a hefty amount of food. They toted it over to the Chaplaincy Center in an adorable charity caravan.


One little guy asked me “What’s your job?”. I replied that I worked for the newspaper and that they would all be famous because they were going to be in the newspaper. He didn’t believe me at all, and then queried “Why aren’t you carrying any bags?” I responded, withering under his merciless blue-eyed gaze, that it wasn’t my job to carry the bags, but his. He wasn’t too satisfied with that either, so I got the heck out of dodge to stand near some less inquiring kids.

A big congratulations to the kids and staff at Campus Kids for helping out an important cause!

Study Song of the Day: Alvvays “Archie, Marry Me”

Toronto-based band Alvvays released their self-titled album over the summer to critical acclaim. The sugary indie pop sounds are uplifting without being too distracting while you’re studying for exams. The romantic plea and yearning of the vocals on “Archie, Marry Me” belong to lead singer Molly Rankin – daughter of the late John Morris Rankin of the infamous Rankin Family.

And how to pronounce Alvvays: Always

UPEI Case Team Wins Big

(from L to R) Erin Devine, Cait Wright, Trevor White, and Malary Schurman. (image courtesy UPEI)

(from L to R) Erin Devine, Cait Wright, Trevor White, and Malary Schurman. (image courtesy UPEI)

By Chris Gibson

A few weeks ago, a group of business students from UPEI, comprised of Erin Devine, Cait Wright, Trevor White, and Malary Schurman, traveled off-island to compete in a case competition, and, as you can tell from the title of this article, they won first place! I interviewed Case Competition Coach Mary Whitrow about the team’s success.

Cadre: To start out, could you explain what a case class is?

MW: “It is a course based around business strategy and it’s a case-based course. So what the means is it’s very similar to the way that medical students or law students have cases, but it’s a business case. [The case is about] either fictional or real life business that have issues, and those issues are written in the cases. We use these cases to learn how to put theory and knowledge that we learn in our business degree to practical use. The way it sort of manifests in the case class is through competitions. Students go and compete against other schools. They analyze [the case] and present their findings to a panel of judges. They’re grilled with questions, then they get ranked, and then we see who wins!”

Cadre: So, what was this case competition about?

MW: “We went to Ethics in Action at Dalhousie University in Halifax. It’s a competition based around putting students in ethical dilemmas that they are likely to face in the real business world. Through using ethical tools and also incorporating business strategy, they fix or try to fix or mitigate problems that have come up with these businesses.”

Cadre: How did the competition play out?

MW: “There were two rounds. In round one, they had ten days to read the case that was distributed, analyze the company, go over their problems, and use tools outside their research in order to prepare. And then they present that on the first day, which was Friday. And then on the second day, they had a completely different case, and they only had three hours to complete it. There were four of them in the room and no Internet access, just their minds. Then they presented that case for 12 minutes, with a three minute question period.”

Cadre: Well, that certainly sounds intense! Why do you think that the team from UPEI won?

MW: “We definitely had four really talented students, in terms of communicating and having really great presences when they’re presenting. Other than that, though, they studied extremely hard, they’re smart students, and they worked really hard and put in the time in order to get where they wanted to be.”

Study Song of the Day: Shura’s “Touch”

This British/Russian singer-songwriter has been gradually releasing tracks to her small yet loyal fan following, but I have a feeling that she is soon going to be everywhere. “Touch” is the perfect song to have playing in the background while you’re hitting the books – just make sure you’re not watching the video because you might find it a little… er distracting on account of all the good-looking folk making-out. I recommend you also check out Shura’s other singles on SoundCloud.


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