The Cadre

You Park Like An Asshole: The Finale

By Bob Deziel

Things are wrapping up this semester at UPEI. There is only one more week of classes after the four day break, and then it’s onto exams, term papers, and the traditional chili lunch at the Chaplaincy centre.

Today is also the final day of official publications for the Cadre this year. Since I had promised another instalment of the series to the editors before the end of the semester, I whipped up a fresh batch of hate earlier this week.

To write these articles I usually go to the UPEI parking lots over lunch, or snap pictures of cars when I’m in Charlottetown doing other business. Often, though, people send me pictures to upeiparking@gmail.com. To those of you who have sent it pictures, I offer my sincere thanks. You have made these rants easier for me to write.

But, with offering an e-mail to the public you risk receiving unkind e-mail. So, I’m introducing a new segment to my article this week: hatemail and responses to hatemail.

Anyhow, on to the pictures:

Once again we find ourselves in the CARI parking lot. I have highlighted in yellow where the parking line actually is, meaning that all three of these cars are outside the line (the two silver cars and the Nissan Sentra), are all blocking the flow of traffic.

“I don’t support plan B (look at the window sticker)! And to protest, I am going to park in the middle of this crosswalk until this issue is resolved!”

Whoa buddy! Wouldn’t want to have a knick on your mid-priced compact car! You go ahead, take up two spots in a relatively busy parking lot. You’re worth it, unlike the rest of us scum.

This picture was a twofer. I’d like to imagine this situation having happened such that the Jetta came in and took up the two spots, and then the GMC came in and was super pissed that the Jetta stole two spots. So, in retaliation the GMC parked in a no-parking spot directly beside the Jetta.

This was sent in by my buddy Mitch. This was in the CARI parking lot after a snowfall and before all the lines were made clear by the plows. The cars in the middle lane are completely blocked in by the cars in front and behind them.

Another one of those situations where there was a faint snowfall the night before and the lines were not made all that clear. However, everyone seems to have received the memo about figuring out what to do in this situation, except for one…


I wanted to get multiple angles of this car just to show how badly parked it was. There was also a folded note under the car wiper blade (seen in picture 1), but since it wasn’t mine I declined to remove it and read it. I’d like to imagine it was an apology letter.

Do people just not see these enormous words highlighting “No Parking”? STOP DOING THIS; THIS IS THE CARI PARKING LOT. I HAVE NEVER SEEN IT FULL ON A WEEKDAY. YOU ARE JUST LAZY.

This one is my favourite. Again, it’s almost like you can see their thought process: “Well, I don’t want to park over the gigantic ‘no parking’ text… I know! I’ll park on the grass next to a fire hydrant BESIDE the ‘no parking’ text! Genius!

And finally, hatemail!

One reader, named sickaspam at gmail.com writes:

• Subject: speaking of assholes…­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
• Message:  …I don’t see any pictures of the farmers market where all those other assholes parked ???? Keep up the good work, moron.
  
  

First off, you use four question marks even though you’re not asking me a question, and you’re using an alias. Are you by chance a frequent poster in the Guardian comments section?

Secondly, I highly suspect that you were featured in one of the articles and you’re indignant about it. I have received legitimate complaints about the cars that I choose for display. You, however, seem like a bit of a whiner, upset that their car was chosen when all of those other cars at the market were even bigger assholes.

Tough tamales, learn how to park.

No one sends me pictures of cars at the market, I don’t park there (except on Saturdays), and so I rarely get pictures from that area. Also, there are no parking lines (and barricades) at the market, it is a giant free-for-all. So, unless it’s plainly obvious it makes for a shitty picture.

But hey, who am I to question the sense of humour of sickaspam?

Anyhow, to my other readers I’m glad you have enjoyed the articles. I’ll see you all next year.

Panthers Curling Proud To Represent UPEI At Nationals

By Jennifer Brenton

( From left to right: Veronica Smith, Jane DiCarlo, Emily Gray and Aleya Quilty with coach Paul Smith. Photo: G. Wycherly Photography. )

The UPEI women’s curling team recently flew to Kamloops, British Columbia to compete at the 2013 Canadian University Curling Championship.

The ladies won the right to compete at the National level after capturing the AUS banner back in February.

UPEI finished the round robin 2-5, opening up the tournament 0-2 with losses to Thompson River and Alberta, before a victorious 11-6 third draw against the Western Mustangs. Unfortunately, the Panthers could not find any momentum after that, falling in their remaining 3 games 7-6, 8-2 and 8-7, respectively.

UPEI ended the round robin with a 12-4 win against Guelph, and finished 6th overall in the standings.

Third Jane DiCarlo spoke to The Cadre about representing the University at a National level.

“It was an incredible experience; we had a lot of really good games against great players,” said DiCarlo.

“Representing UPEI was very rewarding, and the event was very well done.“

While the season may not have ended the way the women hoped, these Panthers can more than take solace in knowing that they won the AUS title as a team comprised entirely of first years.

All four women will return to the ice for UPEI next season.

NHL Recap: Calgary Moves Down, Iginla Moves Out

By Ally Harris

( Shh, don’t tell anyone: We’re on a five-game win streak. (Photo: Gerry Kahrmann / PNG )

The NHL season is winding down almost as quickly as the school year, and we’re now less than a month away from the end of the regular season. The trade deadline is next week, and teams are preparing to begin their playoff runs.

Pittsburgh and Chicago still sit atop their respective Conferences. Pittsburgh’s continuing win streak gives them a five point advantage over second place Montreal, and Chicago is five points safe over Anaheim.

Five of the seven Canadian teams currently sit in playoff position. For the final time this season, let’s see how they’re doing:


TOR – 18-12-4
The Maple Leafs have not made the playoffs since the 2003-2004 season, but there is a chance that they could break their drought this season. The team currently sits 6^th in the Eastern Conference standings and have 7 points more than the Islanders in 9^th place. They picked up 3 points in two games against Boston this week – including one victory, which was their first over the Bruins in nearly two years – and then added another win over Florida on Tuesday. The Leafs will look for more important points when they face Carolina on Thursday night.

OTT – 18-9-6
Ottawa started off the week with a loss to Boston, but woke up to pick up important two victories over Tampa Bay and New Jersey. Ottawa is looking to make the playoffs despite skating without some of their keys players – however, they have 15 games left to play and are a mighty nine points clear of 9^th place. The Sens play next against the New York Rangers on Thursday. 

MTL – 21-7-5
Montreal and Boston have been swapping positions in the Northeast Division all week, but the Canadiens currently hold top spot after a shootout win over the Bruins last night. The team will soon be looking to clinch a playoff spot, which will be a relief after coming dead last in the Conference last season. The Canadiens picked up a win over the New York Islanders on Thursday, but followed with two losses against Buffalo and Pittsburgh on Saturday and Tuesday, respectively. They play again on Saturday against the New York Rangers.

WPG – 18-14-2
Winnipeg has built up a nice six point cushion at the top of the Southeast Division, and currently sits 3^rd in the East. The Jets’ lead was hindered slightly this week after back-to-back home losses to Washington, but they came back with wins over Tampa Bay and Carolina. The team is looking for its first postseason berth since 2005-2006. They face off against the Penguins tonight.

EDM – 12-13-7
With 16 games remaining, Edmonton is currently sitting on the outside looking in, way back in 13^th. It doesn’t help that the team has just come off a three-game losing streak, only snapping it Tuesday night with a 3-0 win over St. Louis. Time is running out for the Oilers to turn it around and make the playoffs for the first time since the 2005-2006 season. They will look to start by picking up two points against Columbus tonight.

CGY – 13-15-4
It’s going to be a tall order for Calgary to make the playoffs – although they sit just 6 points shy of the eighth and final playoff spot, they would have to leapfrog 6 teams in order to get there. With 16 games left, it is certainly possible, but the Flames will have to write their own script. They lost to Nashville, Columbus, and Chicago this week, but were also able to pick up victories over St. Louis on Sunday and Colorado last night. The Flames will also have to adjust to life without their captain Jarome Iginla: he was a healthy scratch for last night’s game and it was announced this morning that he had been traded to Pittsburgh for two prospects and a first-round draft pick.

VAN – 18-9-6
Vancouver is the highest-standing Canadian team in the Western Conference, and has been alternating the lead of the Northwest Division with Minnesota. Minnesota is on a 7-game win streak and retook the lead last night, but the Canucks are also on a 5-game winning streak, earning victories over St. Louis, Phoenix, LA, Colorado and Columbus over that stretch. The Canucks have a history of disappointing exits from the playoffs, something they’ll hope to rectify this year.


If you need another excuse to procrastinate as final exams approach, here are some games to keep an eye out for: Anaheim-Chicago on Friday, Toronto-Ottawa and Vancouver-Edmonton on Saturday, and Calgary-Edmonton on Monday.

No New Money, No Operating Grant Cuts For UPEI In Provincial Budget

By Travis Gordon


( Provincial Finance Minister Wes Sheridan. Image via CBC )

UPEI’s operating grant will not be cut in the 2013-2014 fiscal year.

The news came with the release of the 2013-2014 provincial budget, announced yesterday in the Legislature by Minister of Finance Wes Sheridan. Though Sheridan’s budget address shed little light on the state of the UPEI’s funding, the numbers – or, as they are known, ‘Estimates’ – gave a much clearer picture.

UPEI’s core operating grant will remain at the same level as fiscal year 2012-2013: $30,269,600.

The University will not be receiving any new money from the latest provincial budget, a fact which is cause for immediate concern. President Ala Adb-El-Aziz recently announced that UPEI is falling short by an estimated $5.5 million, and another $3.5 million at the Atlantic Veterinary College.

By law, the University is not allowed to run a deficit. This means that, despite no cuts to its currently operating budget, it will be forced to make significant cuts to meet the estimated $9 million shortfall.

This could mean cuts to programs, courses, and sessional lecturers, as well as rising tuition.

“We are acutely aware of the impact a 0% increase has on the University budget, and what that means in terms of student supports, course offerings and tuition,” said UPEISU President Kate VanGerven.

“However, we’re also looking at this provincial budget as a confirmation of the importance of the Student Union Councils decision to not only strengthen, but increase, our provincial lobbying activities.”

UPEI’s restricted funding – funding provided for specific purposes – will rise by a little over $45,000.  $6,375,300 will be allocated, compared to last fiscal year’s allocation of $6,328,500.

What does this all mean? UPEI’s provincial operating grant will remain the same for the 2013-2014 year, despite declining enrolment and increased costs. 

As previously reported, the introduction of HST alone will cost the University over $400,000.

Throughout the next year, total government expenditure increases will have a 2% ceiling, and revenue is projected to see a 2.7% increase. All government departments are expected to hold spending levels stable, except for Health PEI and the Department of Community Services and Seniors.

The 2013-2014 budget deficit tops $58.9 million; however, the current provincial government expects to be back in surplus territory by 2015-2016.

The Cadre Reviews: Someday, Someday, Maybe

By Olivia Robinson

( Image via amazon.ca )

Lauren Graham of Gilmore Girls and Parenthood fame is set to release her debut novel, entitled Someday, Someday, Maybe, on April 30th.

Though it may not seem all that strange for an actress to write a book, what makes Graham’s endeavor different is that she has elected to write a young adult novel — a far cry from the celebrity cookbooks, memoirs, and self-help guides which seem ever-present in bookstores today.

To my surprise, Graham graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in English Literature from Bernard College of Colombia University, and suddenly her writing seemed to have more potential.

The synopsis of the novel is, admittedly, far from intriguing or ingenious. It depicts yet another young woman moving to New York City to try to make it big on Broadway, following in the steps of her “idols of Diane Keaton and Meryl Steep.” There’s a cute boy, of course, best friends, and hair product mishaps.

Regardless, the power of Graham’s name and her long-standing television fame will certainly result in high sales for her debut novel — and as it turns out, they may be warranted.

Someday, Someday, Maybe follows the tale of an aspiring actress named Franny who has moved to New York and given herself a three year deadline to make it big on Broadway. Franny, who is named after the character in J.D. Salinger’s famous short story Franny and Zooey, lives with her best friends Dan and Jane in a run-down apartment. However, though the premise of the story seems basic, Graham’s seemingly effortless wit and ability to write snappy dialogue have the words leaping off the pages.

Jam-packed with cultural references (Hello, Dolly anyone?), rants that rival the famous Lorelai Poptart Rant, and hilarious day planner doodles drawn by Graham herself in between all the chapters, Someday, Someday, Maybe had me laughing from beginning to end. The dash of romance, some experiences based on Graham’s real life as an actress, and the wonderful parallels between Graham’s Franny and Salinger’s Franny made for a truly entertaining read.

So if you have been missing the wonderful show with the slogan “Life’s Short, Talk Fast”, or if you’re looking for a great, light, and amusing summer read, Someday, Someday, Maybe may just suit the bill.

Graham’s debut novel hits stores April 30th.